Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Closing The Blog.....

I have bad news for my 2 faithful readers.....

This chapter in my life and this blog are coming to a close.

I am not sure how much of the current situation has made it out in to the IF community, so I will give the whole story here. Please remember, this is just my side. And it is a hurt and angry side at that.

As of June 12, Amanda has left me and the boys. After a steady downhill progression she claimed that I was "being mean" to her. Mind you, she said this because I was getting on to her more and more when there was not a clean dish in the house, and no clean clothes to be found. She would routinely sleep until noon, and then do nothing the rest of the day as far as housework. This had long been a problem with us and in hindsight, I should have never let it go as far as it did. I was always clear with her that she did not have to work (but was allowed to if she wanted), but if she did not, the house was her job. It is not a man/woman thing, it was simply that if I was paying the bills, she had to pull her weight somehow.

At the time she left, there was little to no explanation on why she was doing this. She steadfastly refused to even entertain getting help and trying to get things resolved. She had made her mind up and she was leaving. There was nothing that could be done to change her mind.

Over the course of the week following her leaving, I was left with some hard choices. Did I want to keep the boys? COULD I keep the boys? Was keeping the boys the right thing to do? There was limited contact with Amanda, during which I found out she had been seeing (sorry, "talking to") someone else for a few weeks. Many 4 letter words were exchanged.

The only attempt she made to make amends was to offer to stay around long enough for the adoption to finalize so she could have visitation. Not only did I tell her hell no, but the state had already stepped in and gave me very firm instructions that she was not to have any interaction with the boys and if she did, they would be removed. So, that made it easy for me to tell her that I would not let her maintain a false relationship only to leave again later. Purely a selfish act on her part.

As things stand right now, I have filed for divorce and am proceeding with adopting the boys alone. TPR has been completed and we are moving into the adoption phase of things. Hopefully by the end of the year, it will be complete. As a happy side note, I will be the first single man to adopt from the State of WV. Yippie!

It has been a very rough 6 weeks or so for me and the boys. But, we are making it happen, learning along the way. Amanda's family stepped up to the plate and helped me when I needed it most, without my even asking.

On the personal side of things, I am doing well. After the initial shock wore off, and I decided that I just needed to move on, I did just that. I have been dating a bit, which is a challenge with the boys, because I am being very careful about exposing them to any women that may be seen as mother figures.

The boys are coping very well. X is happy and healthy, and all about dad right now. C is hit an miss. He is very angry and acts out sometimes. I have been punched a few times, lots of kicking and screaming. He is testing me, and I am maintaining that I am here for the duration. Good or bad, easy or hard. I WILL BE HERE.

I would be lying if I said that it didn't hurt me. It did. My trust was betrayed in a way that I did not know was even possible. I was blindsided by actions the defy explaination. I was left broken and hurting, without a dime to my name. Never before had someone beat me down that bad and that hard. I can deal with her leaving me. What I can't deal with is that SHE wanted this. I had accepted that my life may not include children. But, this was important to her. So I went into this journey with her. Only for her to betray and abandon me and the boys.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't angry. How could I not be angry? How could anyone not be angry? You don't take on children that have already had a troubled life and then when you find out it's not all fun and games just walk away. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Least of all these boys.

I used to say that I wished her the best. I felt that I should be the bigger man. But, I have moved past that. I do not wish her the best. I wish her pain when she thinks of these boys and that they will never be in her life, because of her choices. I hope that it forever burns a hole in her heart that she did this. I hope that whomever she left to be with understands what they are getting and what they did when they left. If they do understand what happend and still want to be with her, I feel sorry for the both of them. I prey that she is not able to have her own children to treat as she did these. I know that she will never be allowed to foster in the state of WV again. Which, is a small positive, at least she won't be able to damage children that are the most vulnerable.

I will be moderating comments for this, simply because I know that a large number of people who used to follow her may read this. I will allow all comments that do not attack me or the situation. I may not have been a perfect husband, but she never wanted for anything and she was never abused. She had her reasons, none of which had anything to do with me, I believe. Please remember, this is MY blog, therefore, this is MY view of things.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Thoughts on donor sperm.....

First, I know I have been a bad blogger. There really hasn't been much to report.

We found out today, that more than likely, C and X will go back to their crack whore mother next month. This after being told multiple times by their social worker that there is no way this would happen.

After all that has happened regarding foster parenting, we have decided that once these boys go home, we are not going to do it again. It just isn't worth it. It is not about helping the kids, it is just being housing for the state. They are going to do whatever they need to meet their numbers, regardless of what is best for the children. The fact that they will even talk about returning these boys to their mother LIVING IN A HOMELESS SHELTER tells us that.

So, this has had some unexpected effects on me. It has taught me that parenting is not about their biological relation to them, it is the role you play in their life.

Which, leads me to today's quandry.

When it came up in the past, my answer to donor sperm was a firm, NO. After looking into many other options such as adoption, fostering, IVF, etc, I feel like this may be the best option for us. It is within our budget, would net us a child that is at least 1/2 biologically ours. It removes the asshats from the state from the picture.

So, I would like to collect your thoughts on donor sperm. If you do not want to comment publicly, please email it or post anonymously.

Here is my criteria for donor:

Must have the same basic physical characteristics as me. Hight, build, hair color, etc.
Must be at least moderately successful. I don't want a Harvard grad, but holding a job, etc. (Yes, there is a whole nature vs nurture debate here, but I am covering both bases here because I can)
Must be a "no ID" donor, the child will never know that there was a donor.

So, lemmie have it. What do you think?

Monday, January 5, 2009

So, my crazy wife has ordered me to do some kind of random fact thinger.

A. Link to the person who tagged you.
B. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.
C. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blogs.

I don't know 7 people with blogs, so this will probably die with me. If you are reading this and have a blog, consider yourself tagged.

1. My then girlfriend had an abortion without telling me when we were 15. Since then, I firmly believe that the father should be notified when they happen.

2. I can't feel or spread the toes on my left foot. When I was in 8th grade I jumped out of a boat and landed on something, got 23 stitches and cut the nerve to my toes.

3. I have a serious weakness for women's undergarments. On Amanda, not on me.

4. I will apply technology to anything and everything I can.

5. Amanda tells me she can tell if I am on the phone and it is a female. Apparently, I am a shameless flirt.

6. I am oblivious to being flirted with. It has to be blatantly obvious, to the point of being naked before I realize anything is happening.

7. I am colorblind.

So, there you have it. 7 random facts about me.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Bad blogger!

Yeah, sorry I haven't been posting. Things have been quite busy.

Overall, things are good. But, there have been some significant developments.

We fired the caseworker that the agency had assigned to us. Quick list of reasons:

1) When she first dropped them off, she said no medications. X was on multiple medications. Judging by subsequent actions, she was probably told about them and didn’t remember. Fortunately, his former Doctor was very helpful in bringing us up to speed and assisting.
2) Failed to mention C’s “demons that can kill him” statements to his DHHR worker. She had told us she would.
3) Is never able to answer any but the most basic questions.
4) Unable to offer us guidance on things like enrolling in school. We had to contact C’s DHHR worker to get the needed information in a timely manner.
5) Consistently “forgets” to call us back with information in a timely fashion. We have resorted to directly contacting their DHHR worker directly for everything but YAP specific things.
6) Entered one of our vehicles to retrieve X’s car seat without asking permission.
7) Constantly takes a “snotty” tone with us.
8) She was told on 12/29/2008 that X had just gone to the doctor and had a prescription for a yeast infection “on his neither region”. Then proceeded to call us the next day to lecture us about his mother noticing he had diaper rash. Had she actually listened to us when she picked the boys up, she could have addressed this at the visit.
9) C has repeatedly mentioned that he does not like going with her because she is not nice.
10) Visits consistently take hours longer than needed. This has caused us to miss appointments because we had to wait for them to return.

C spend Chirstmas with his grandfather and had a most excellent time.

He is slowly coming out of his shell with me. Just takes time.

We decided to contact the birth mom. This was a tough choice for us. We finally decided that if she did get her stuff together and they went home, that we would like to position ourselves to maintain contact with them. Amanda and her spoke for quite a while and it went well. We are supposed to meet with her this Sunday and discuss thing and have a bit of a meet and greet. Jury is still out on her. This was not something we expected to do, but we think it is the right thing to do.

C and I went for a drive on the tractor today, he enjoyed that quite a lot. He loved that he established that he was faster than the tractor on his bike. Not sure that is much of an accomplishment to outrun a 60+ year old tractor. But, he enjoyed it, so it was fun.

Hope all of you had a good Christmas.