Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Closing The Blog.....

I have bad news for my 2 faithful readers.....

This chapter in my life and this blog are coming to a close.

I am not sure how much of the current situation has made it out in to the IF community, so I will give the whole story here. Please remember, this is just my side. And it is a hurt and angry side at that.

As of June 12, Amanda has left me and the boys. After a steady downhill progression she claimed that I was "being mean" to her. Mind you, she said this because I was getting on to her more and more when there was not a clean dish in the house, and no clean clothes to be found. She would routinely sleep until noon, and then do nothing the rest of the day as far as housework. This had long been a problem with us and in hindsight, I should have never let it go as far as it did. I was always clear with her that she did not have to work (but was allowed to if she wanted), but if she did not, the house was her job. It is not a man/woman thing, it was simply that if I was paying the bills, she had to pull her weight somehow.

At the time she left, there was little to no explanation on why she was doing this. She steadfastly refused to even entertain getting help and trying to get things resolved. She had made her mind up and she was leaving. There was nothing that could be done to change her mind.

Over the course of the week following her leaving, I was left with some hard choices. Did I want to keep the boys? COULD I keep the boys? Was keeping the boys the right thing to do? There was limited contact with Amanda, during which I found out she had been seeing (sorry, "talking to") someone else for a few weeks. Many 4 letter words were exchanged.

The only attempt she made to make amends was to offer to stay around long enough for the adoption to finalize so she could have visitation. Not only did I tell her hell no, but the state had already stepped in and gave me very firm instructions that she was not to have any interaction with the boys and if she did, they would be removed. So, that made it easy for me to tell her that I would not let her maintain a false relationship only to leave again later. Purely a selfish act on her part.

As things stand right now, I have filed for divorce and am proceeding with adopting the boys alone. TPR has been completed and we are moving into the adoption phase of things. Hopefully by the end of the year, it will be complete. As a happy side note, I will be the first single man to adopt from the State of WV. Yippie!

It has been a very rough 6 weeks or so for me and the boys. But, we are making it happen, learning along the way. Amanda's family stepped up to the plate and helped me when I needed it most, without my even asking.

On the personal side of things, I am doing well. After the initial shock wore off, and I decided that I just needed to move on, I did just that. I have been dating a bit, which is a challenge with the boys, because I am being very careful about exposing them to any women that may be seen as mother figures.

The boys are coping very well. X is happy and healthy, and all about dad right now. C is hit an miss. He is very angry and acts out sometimes. I have been punched a few times, lots of kicking and screaming. He is testing me, and I am maintaining that I am here for the duration. Good or bad, easy or hard. I WILL BE HERE.

I would be lying if I said that it didn't hurt me. It did. My trust was betrayed in a way that I did not know was even possible. I was blindsided by actions the defy explaination. I was left broken and hurting, without a dime to my name. Never before had someone beat me down that bad and that hard. I can deal with her leaving me. What I can't deal with is that SHE wanted this. I had accepted that my life may not include children. But, this was important to her. So I went into this journey with her. Only for her to betray and abandon me and the boys.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't angry. How could I not be angry? How could anyone not be angry? You don't take on children that have already had a troubled life and then when you find out it's not all fun and games just walk away. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Least of all these boys.

I used to say that I wished her the best. I felt that I should be the bigger man. But, I have moved past that. I do not wish her the best. I wish her pain when she thinks of these boys and that they will never be in her life, because of her choices. I hope that it forever burns a hole in her heart that she did this. I hope that whomever she left to be with understands what they are getting and what they did when they left. If they do understand what happend and still want to be with her, I feel sorry for the both of them. I prey that she is not able to have her own children to treat as she did these. I know that she will never be allowed to foster in the state of WV again. Which, is a small positive, at least she won't be able to damage children that are the most vulnerable.

I will be moderating comments for this, simply because I know that a large number of people who used to follow her may read this. I will allow all comments that do not attack me or the situation. I may not have been a perfect husband, but she never wanted for anything and she was never abused. She had her reasons, none of which had anything to do with me, I believe. Please remember, this is MY blog, therefore, this is MY view of things.


  1. So sorry. Sounds like you have had a really hard time. At least you are there for the boys. Glad to hear that the adoption may go through for you, though.

  2. {hugs} i'm so sorry for all of your pain. i hope everything goes as smoothly as possible with the adoptions.

  3. here from LFCA

    I am truly sorry that you and the boys are having to go through this. Sending all of you my best thoughts and wishes for strength and peace.

  4. I'm terribly sorry that you have to go through this. I wish you wouldn't shut down your blog because in tough times it is a good outlet. My husband is the "infertile half" in our relationship, and your blog has given me some insite into what being infertile means to a guy.

    I hope that you open another blog or post a couple of more times here so we can know how the adoption pans out. Best of luck to you and your boys.

  5. Per Chickenpig's request, I will keep the blog open for status updates on the adoption and such. It is a good outlet, but it is also a direct pipe to the ex, which I don't want. When I do post updates, they may be very brief and without detail. This does not mean I don't want to share, just that I don't want to do it in public.

  6. So sorry you're dealing with this. You can open a password protected blog on wordpress...or go password protected here on blogspot. That way you can vent and still get some support, without the direct pipe to your ex.

  7. I am sorry that you going through this- I am glad thought that you are going to be there for the boys. That is very heart warming. For me it is good to see the "Infertile Half" view of things. My husband has MFI, and there are not that many guy bloggers out there on the subject.

    Have you thought about going password protected- then you SPECIFICALLY can limit who sees what. Either way, I wish you the best of luck!!

  8. I am just adding my voice to the others that say they are sorry that you are in this situation. I pray that down the road this ends up being the beginning of a wonderful life with these boys. I am sure you will be able to give them all they need and you will find the greatest reward in them.

  9. I'm sorry all of this is happening. I, too, hope this is the beginning of a wonderful future for you and your sons.

  10. I am so very sorry you and the boys havebeen hurt so badly. I hope and pray you find your way to a peaceful and happy life and never have to be hurt like this again.

  11. *here from LFCA*

    Sending everyone peace and strength throughout this whole process. I'm truly sorry the boys and you have been hurt. I hope in time your wounds heal. Give those boys HUGE hugs whenever you feel sad. Little boy hugs are the best cure all for hurting hearts.

  12. Here from LFCA...I am so sorry to read about the pain you and the boys are going through. I admire you for being a devoted dad to X and C. It's good to hear that you've started dating again because you sound like a great person.

  13. Here from LFCA. SO sorry for all you and the boys have gone through. We're dealing with MFI, as well, and it's so helpful to read a man's view of that journey. Thank you for sharing your story!

  14. My husband and I almost got divorced last year. Due to his chronic illness. Due to our infertility. Due to the challenges of life that are associated with both. We managed to reconcile. But it was not easy. And not for the faint of heart. I'm sorry your wife did not have the gumption to stick it out.

  15. I'm sorry you and the boys are having to deal with this. I am surprised she decided to leave these children who have already been through so much. I wish you all the best and admire your decision to continue with the adoption and be the parent these boys need.

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